


The Courage Of Stars

by renhyvckbot



Series: Surrender To The Averglow [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Multi, Soulmates, but its okay because jaemin is there, past renhyuck, renjun deals with a missing part of his soul, renmin endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:40:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27749902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renhyvckbot/pseuds/renhyvckbot
Summary: Even though he's lost part of his soul already, Renjun realises there's another person out there who makes up the other third of him.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun & Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Series: Surrender To The Averglow [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2029909
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35
Collections: Challenge #3 — soulmates





	The Courage Of Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Big big thank you to [Adin](https://twitter.com/SmithEAdin) for being my beta for this (sorry for making you cry with it!)
> 
> I haven't written or posted anything in YEARS so I really hope you all like this!

The ticking of the clock on the wall begins to drive Renjun insane, the otherwise silent room feeling too small as he sits there on the couch with his hands in his lap, his older brother sitting opposite to him on his own chair that he’d pulled up so they could talk.

“I feel like I’m drowning, and not just in some contained body of water like a lake or river where I can see the surface and all the light shining through. I feel like I’m 60 feet deep and I don’t know what to do, where to go, or how to swim. I don’t know how to feel anymore, or what to say to anyone. I feel lost, alone and I’m _fucking scared_ , Kun.”

“I know you are, Renjun, and I know there is nothing I can say or do to help you through this other than to be there for you.”

The younger looks up from where he’s been eyeing the fabric of the carpet beneath their feet, eyes wet with unshed tears and dark circles threatening to steal life from his face.

It pains his older brother to see him like this. To see all the light slowly fading from his eyes and the curves of his body beginning to hollow out. He knows Renjun is barely taking care of himself anymore, the evidence clear as day in front of him, but he also knows that the pain he was feeling is far beyond anything he can imagine.

Kun thinks back to the conversation that brought his brother to his home in the first place.

\--

_“Do you remember what you and Hyuck used to tell me, when you first discovered things?” Kun asked softly into his phone, hesitant to mention the latter, but desperate to try and help his brother who had been shutting him out._

_Renjun was slow to respond as he tried to process what was being asked of him. “You mean, how it always – and still does – feels like there was still something missing? Like the last piece of our puzzle?”_

_“Yeah, exactly that. Well, I was talking to my friends about it, the ones who study soulmates, and they mentioned how there’d been a few cases where there was a third piece to the soul. We’re not made to live without our other half, Jun, and while you’re suffering right now, it’s been half a year and you’ve still been pushing through life like you were before, albeit a little less brightly.”_

_There was a softness to Kun’s voice that Renjun had greatly missed the last few months, the same tone was something he hadn’t heard since a part of his soul had been ripped away from him._

_“Will you help me find them if they do exist?”_

_“Of course I will!”_

\--

“I’m sorry it took so long for me to come home, Kun-ge,” Renjun whispers quietly, interrupting the older’s train of thoughts. Reaching out to place a hand on his brother’s knee, Kun offers a reassuring smile.

“What’s important is that you’re here now and you haven’t given up.”

The two chat for a while, discussing all the things they had missed while apart and all the things they plan to do now that Renjun is home. After countless nights of no sleep, staying up was too easy for Renjun, his mind and body barely feeling the effects of talking into the early hours of the morning, but for Kun it was a struggle. A struggle that is obvious to the younger’s eyes as they continue to chat. Around two in the morning, the boys decide it’s time to go to bed, wishing each other goodnight before they retreat to their beds for the night.  
  
  


Renjun wakes up early the next morning, golden rays of sunlight peeking through the curtains of his temporary room and shining onto the fabric of the pillow by his head. It takes him a few minutes to grasp where he is before he sits up and rubs his eyes, letting himself bask in the sun before getting up.

Within ten minutes he’s out the door, poorly styled hair covered with a beanie and a coat thrown over his half-assed attempt at an outfit. It is late enough in the year that the weather has a bit of a bite to it, forcing Renjun to stuff his hands in his pockets to avoid the tips of his fingers getting cold. It doesn’t take him long to arrive at Kun’s favourite cafe, the small building designed with a warm, comfy vibe that feels like home.

Once inside, Renjun breathes in deeply, allowing his lungs to heat themselves with the contrasting air from outside and, for a second, healing the brokenness he feels inside. He can almost taste the coffee from the aroma that hangs in the air and fills his senses.

‘ _It’s good to be home_.’

Stepping up to the counter when it’s his turn, Renjun orders a simple chai latte for himself and a vanilla latte for his brother, making sure they remembered the cinnamon on top of his to give it the extra kick he enjoys.

While he waits for the two drinks, he fiddles with the ring on his finger, the promise ring he’s kept on him for years, a reminder of the love that he used to experience and the sunshine that used to touch his heart every day. He’s so focused on the feel of the metal under his skin that he almost misses the barista calling his name, the sound of the music playing softly in the background finally fading back into mind just in time to catch a song.

  
  


_That song_.

The song that they had their first kiss to.

The song that they had played during their first date.

Through their first anniversary. The song that found its way into their life.

The song they had talked about playing at their wedding if they were to ever have one.

Hearing the same melody and lyrics that screamed nothing but Donghyuck to him; Renjun can feel his heart breaking all over again, a feeling of death and sickness slowly working its way up his throat and threatening to spill out his mouth.

‘ _I have to get out of here_.’ He thinks to himself, rushing out a small thank you and handing a tip to the barista serving him.

Coffee tray in his shaking hands, Renjun spins around to start heading back to Kun’s, the pounding of his heart the only thing he can hear before he’s suddenly wearing half of the liquid in his hands. It takes him a few seconds before he notices that there’s someone else covered in the remaining half of his drinks, his heart lurching and stomach dropping.

“I am _so_ sorry,” He whispers, gaze caught on the dark stain that was now ruining the person’s white shirt.

“Well, that is certainly one way to wake up.”

Renjun’s breath hitches at the sound of the deep voice in front of him, eyes flickering up to stare into brown eyes that mirrored his own – diminishing light and little hope left in them.

“God, I ruined your shirt, I'm so sorry. I live just around the corner if you need a new one, otherwise I can give you some money, I really don’t mind.”

He knows he’s rambling as he stares worryingly at the boy in front of him. Renjun shuts his mouth when he hears a low laugh coming from the other, his heart picking up briefly at the sound.

Taking in the appearance of the stranger, Renjun realises there’s more than his eyes that are painstakingly similar to himself. There’s a tired, worn look to him. Clothes slightly tousled and thrown on carelessly, blonde hair a contained sort of wild, and the skin around his face looking pale and taunt. To Renjun, he looks like another soul missing a piece of themselves, just like he is.

“I wish I had the time, because as much as I love coffee the smell of cinnamon on my shirt is unpleasant for a full day of classes.” The deep voice finally replies to Renjun’s ramblings, his thoughts stuttering to a stop as something clicks in his body.

This _feeling_ was something he hadn’t experienced in a long time.

  
  


\--

  
  


_"Even if we aren't each other's soulmates, you know I'll still call you mine, right?" Donghyuck asked the small boy beside him, voice shaky with nerves as they stared at the hands moving on the clock above them._

_"Of course I know. I don't need some dumb soulmate system to tell me I'm meant to be with my best friend. The universe would be stupid to keep us apart like that!" Renjun replied, his own voice quivering as his eyes remained glued to the floor._

_The two boys had been inseparable for most of their lives, neither of them wanting to give in to the idea of having someone else as a soulmate. Renjun himself feared that Donghyuck would forget his words and leave him if Renjun wasn't his soulmate – his other half bound to him for life by the magic of the universe._

_When the clock before them finally struck midnight, the time ticking over onto Renjun's 18th birthday, both boys froze. Renjun couldn't breathe, the sound of the clock fading away as he reached out to grasp Donghyuck's hand._

_It took both of them a few seconds before either of them could take a breath, the oldest of the two facing their fear first and lifting his head to look at the other._

_When their eyes finally meet a solid click was heard somewhere inside Renjun's mind, his insides growing warm as if the sun was shining directly onto his soul. The sun that sat right beside him, shining like the summer he'd always adored. His parents had always told him that when the time came, when he finally found the missing half of him, he would just know. That each person experienced a different feeling but always felt the same sense of assurance deep inside them._

_"Hyuck..." He whispered, hand reaching up to gently cup the boy's cheek. "Oh Hyuck, I can't wait for you to experience this too."_

  
  


\--

  
  
  


Staring at the ceiling in his room, Renjun contemplates his options as he goes over what happened the other day at the cafe. After the stranger ran off for his late class, Renjun had apologised to the staff at the cafe and re-ordered his drinks, returning home soon after and waking up Kun with the smell of his latte. 

The image of the stranger has not left his mind since he watched the light-haired figure leave the cafe. He's already discussed what had happened with his older brother, relaying the feeling that clicked in his mind again for the second time in his life. The same feeling he felt when the universe confirmed to him that Donghyuck, his Donghyuck, was the missing piece to his soul.

"Why don't you visit the cafe again until you see him?" A voice suddenly asks from the door to his room, scaring Renjun from his thoughts and causing his body to jolt. Sitting up, he looks over at Kun, nodding his head slowly.

"Tell me again how I was labelled the smart one between us as kids?" He asks back in return, getting up from his bed and walking over to where his coat lays on his desk chair. He thanks his brother before rushing out of the apartment, making haste towards the cafe.

Renjun spends the next few days visiting the cafe frequently, getting to know some of the staff after a few of them had gotten curious and asked him why he always sat by himself for hours every day. It isn't like he was doing nothing the whole time, he often brings his sketchbook and keeps the image of the stranger strong in his mind as he fills the pages with portrait after portrait. 

After the fifth day in a row he finally fesses up to the staff and tells them why he was their new regular, that he's finally seen his soulmate and needs to make sure he sees him again.

It takes approximately nine days before the light-haired boy walks back into the cafe, looking even more worn out than the last time but sporting a darker style with his locks now dyed a deep black. 

Choking on his drink, Renjun quickly wipes his mouth with the back of his sleeve before standing up and walking over to the boy. 

"Hello," he starts, the figure instantly turning to him with wide eyes. "I-I don't know if you remember me from the other day. I was the one who–"

"Who spilled coffee on me and still somehow made my day." 

Renjun stares when he registers the words that interrupts him.

"Made your day? How? I stained a perfectly good shirt _and_ made you even more late to class."

The stranger gives Renjun a blank look, raising a perfectly shaped brow at him. "I know you felt it too, pretty boy."

Renjun gapes at the other, shocked at how similar the situation feels to him. _'Oh my god, he's another Donghyuck. I got two fucking Donghyuck's as my soulmates.'_

"Anyway, my name is Jaemin. Na Jaemin." The stranger, Jaemin, holds a hand out for Renjun to shake. Being slow to register what's going on, he stares at the hand for a little too long before finally lifting his own to shake it, looking back up into Jaemin's eyes shyly.

"Renjun. Huang Renjun." 

  
  


Ordering coffee for the two of them, Renjun leads Jaemin over to the table he was sitting at before, glad he had some sense to not leaving his sketchbook open before he rushed over earlier. They sit for a while and talk, learning about one another in any way they can think of.

Renjun learns that Jaemin was an avid coffee drinker, sometimes even having up to eight espresso shots in his drinks at a time, forgoing sugar and sticking to the strong, overwhelming taste of pure coffee. He learns that Jaemin is studying at the university nearby, majoring in Medicine while minoring in Music just so he could take classes with his best friend Jeno. 

Jaemin learns that Renjun is an artist, having already taken a course when he was younger and back at home where he previously lived with Donghyuck. He tells him that he's spent the majority of his life learning to draw, studying people and the environment as he developed his skill, and how he prefers landscapes over portraits now.

He refrains from telling him about the third part of their soul straight away, wanting to ease him into the idea of it first. He can tell by how drained of life Jaemin looks that the boy has already felt the effects of Donghyuck's passing.

  
  


**4 Months Later.**

"Hey, Jaemin?" Renjun calls softly, looking out the window to his room while he reaches a hand out to gently pat the arm of his now boyfriend.

"Yes, Junnie?" The younger replies, his voice thick as he drags himself from the grips of sleep that has been threatening him for the last 15 minutes to pull him into a slumber.

"Do you ever feel like there's still a part of you that's missing? Like, there's a third part to our puzzle?"

Renjun glances over at Jaemin as he speaks, the question gaining his boyfriend's full attention.

"Sometimes."

"Can I tell you why we feel like that?" 

"Of course you can."

Renjun looks back out the window, watching the stars in silence for a few minutes. He finally speaks again when he finds the single star he was looking for. The one that shone the brightest for him, sometimes flickering as if it were saying hi or something.

"When I was 18, I met my soulmate. _Our_ soulmate. Though, I guess it wasn't my first time actually meeting him. His name was Donghyuck. We'd grown up together, gone through middle school and high school together. Spent so much of our lives together."

He can feel Jaemin reaching out to him, taking his hand gently and pressing an even more gentle kiss against the back of it.

"He passed away a year ago today. He really loves you, you know. He told me in a dream."

A soft hand brushes Renjun's cheek, the boy finally realising that he was crying. Turning his head, he looks over at Jaemin, giving him a bright smile that shines like the moonlight reflected in Jaemin's eyes, looking like the stars that he often gazes up to.

"He taught me the courage of the stars right up until the day he said goodbye."

Renjun spends the rest of the night telling Jaemin all of his stories of Donghyuck, making sure he doesn't leave out a single thing – even the most embarrassing of moments – as the night continues on. 

By the end of the night, both boys feel a bit more whole, a bit more like their missing soul was still there with them. And he is. He always will be, even if they can't see him.

  
  



End file.
